Do you ever feel shut out or ignored by the important people in your life? When that happens – of course, we blame them for not listening, for not being considerate, for not thinking of us or being too pre-occupied with their own world to pay attention to us.
Or if you are in the early stages of your romantic relationship and it feels like you are the only one taking initiative while the other person may or may not respond.
The truth is – you should not have to chase someone to pay attention to you. When people find value in another person or a situation, they will make that a priority. When people see value for themselves, meaning the relationship or the situation meets their needs, feels right, is what they want at the moment, they will find the time, the money, the resources – whatever it takes to nurture the relationship.
You can not force another person to pay attention to you. So, what can you do? I have two answers that have worked beautifully for others.
Be curious – get to know what is important to your partner. What are their wants, dreams, hobbies, passions, interests or any other preferences they may have?
Ask lots of questions and get to know why and how they see themselves fulfilling those interests. Alternatively, I hear couples criticize each other for their preferences and judge them.
I can tell you that if I really enjoyed something that my partner constantly complained about, I’m not going to change what I love to do because it’s not his preference. Then I am denying who I really am. I would just do it without him and not share. That would not be how I want my relationship to be.
The point is, no one wants to listen to their partner constantly complaining or speaking negatively about what they are passionate about. Be interested in who they are and what they want and acknowledge and honor that.
When people feel others care and bring out the best in them – they will make time for them.
Which leads me to the second answer…
I’m sure many of you have heard me say this often – look in the mirror! Are you someone your partner wants to be around? What are you like to talk to? How can you be an interesting person?
The best way is to be yourself and follow your own passions. Your passion can inspire others to follow theirs. Don’t change who you are to make someone else happy because then you will become miserable.
Believe in yourself and you won’t have to try so hard to get others to approve of you. It all starts with you.
Be willing to share stories about yourself, what makes you happy and how you are pursuing that.
Share your opinions and ask others for theirs on current events.
Take care of yourself physically.
It’s actually quite intriguing to watch. People pay attention to those who pay attention to themselves. Why? Because people seem to be attracted to positivity and are curious about others’ successes and how they got there.
If you want your partner to pay more attention to you, get to know what’s on their mind and how they currently feel about what’s important to them. We all evolve over time, so what we think we know about our partner may have changed.
Make sure you are generating positivity and feeling good about yourself.
You have the ability to influence your relationship by simply knowing who you are, what you are passionate about and pursuing it and then honoring your partner’s ability to do the same.