This has been a hard fought journey – uncovering my authentic self. Building my self worth and transforming myself in to the woman I am today. I have always had self esteem – I have always been confident in who I am and what I am capable of.
What I didn’t know, is that my self worth wasn’t as strong. I didn’t even know there was a difference between self esteem and self worth.
Self esteem to me has been about what I can do and self worth is about who I am.
How did I build self worth?
It has been a fascinating ride and some of the key milestones for me were:
- Recognizing that I did not like the way I was being treated by others
- Building the courage to ask them to change their behavior
- Leaving my relationships because I deserved to be treated with dignity and respect
- Learning to say no ( in stages ) until I could finally just say no
- Seeking counselling and tons of research to understand and move forward
- Assessing and analyzing my circumstances
- Learning to understand anxiety and how it tells me something is wrong
- Creating plans at various stages of my life to make it better
- Setting boundaries for myself and not allowing anyone to cross them
Here are some thoughts for you to consider.
Finding our way back to our original state
- This is like pressing the restore button on electronic devices to put them back to factory settings when you first bought them
- As adults, we need to press or own ‘restore’ button – to go back to the beginning, when we were young, to find our true selves and remove the layers we have built up over the years because underneath is our happiness
- This can be done through counseling
- I know many people who will go to the doctor when they have a physical illness or a broken bone, but they would never think to go for an emotional issue
- Counselling is the BEST thing I have ever done.
- People who opt for counseling may go through the process of exploring their childhoods and what they have come to believe about themselves, others and the world around them
- They learn how they formed their belief systems in the first place, then determine what is/is not still relevant for them as adults
- If they are no longer relevant, they learn and practice strategies to undo them and replace them with new beliefs that are more applicable to them as adults
- When we work on ourselves, we are gifting others – our energy impacts others
- Instead of negative self talk when something goes wrong, we can take charge of our thoughts and our actions
- When we find ourselves in an unhappy situation – we can ask – why did I create this? What is the opportunity for me? What am I supposed to learn from this? How do I need to grow from this?
- It’s important to have compassion for ourselves and not be judgmental
- This puts us in control of what’s happening versus being a victim
- Circumstances can be created (where you live, the job you have, the money you earn, the friends you associate with, the lifestyle you choose) by you, but they don’t bring you happiness
- Happiness comes from your state of being- not your circumstances
- You can take the worst circumstance and find a positive light in it or you can take the negative perspective
- You are in control of your present and your destiny
- Your happiness is in your hands