I don’t chase, I don’t beg and neither should you. One very powerful lesson I have learned in my life is this – if people see value – they will make an effort.  What does that mean?  If someone or something will have a meaningful impact on my life – I will make time for them, I will find the money to pay for it, I will make the effort to engage.

Relationships are no different. It takes two to make a relationship work.  Both parties are required to contribute. Here are some signs that your partner may not want to be in the relationship any more.

  • You are the only one calling, emailing or texting
  • Your partner works excessive hours
  • Your partner spends all of his/her time away from you (hobbies, on the computer, watching TV or with friends)
  • There is no more intimacy
  • Your partner is irritable with you and gets upset easily
  • Your partner will reluctantly go to a family event and be grumpy the entire time
  • You no longer talk about the future
  • Your partner is secretive
  • There is little or no communication or conversation
  • Your partner is unwilling to resolve conflicts
  • Your fighting and arguments are more frequent

Unfortunately, many people tend to think, “If only I would do more of X, he/she would behave differently” or will make excuses for the other persons disengaged behavior.

If you are unsure of the status of your relationship, I would suggest the following:

  • Make a list of the attributes you find most appealing in a partner
  • Write down the type of relationship that is ideal for you – what you like to do with a partner – include everything from intimacy to communication, to hobbies, to fun
  • Describe the type of partner YOU would like to be
  • Then assess the status of your relationship
  • Write down what you like/don’t like in your current situation
  • Think about how both you and your partner each contribute to the positives and the negatives
  • Plan to have a discussion with your partner
  • Ask them how they feel about the relationship, what they like and don’t like, what they want and then offer your perspective
  • Try not to blame your partner, call them names or make them feel bad
  • You can start saying what your intention is for the conversation – to discuss differences, what’s going well and what is not, in the hopes of making some change
  • Tell your partner what you want and need in the relationship and when he/she behaves a certain way, how it impacts you
  • The conversation is not over until both parties have shared their perspectives and declared the actions they will take to improve the relationship

If your partner declares he/she wants out, or is disinterested in having the conversation – it’s time to leave.

  • We are entitled to express ourselves and have our concerns listened to and responded to – with respect
  • We are entitled to have our needs met in a relationship.
  • We are all entitled to a meaningful and fulfilling relationship where our partner is fully engaged and happy to be with us.

If we accept anything less than this – there is a good chance that we don’t respect ourselves enough or perhaps don’t feel worthy.  If that’s the case, then I encourage you to read through my blogs in the Believe category.