I don’t chase, I don’t beg and neither should you. One very powerful lesson I have learned in my life is this – if people see value – they will make an effort. What does that mean? If someone or something will have a meaningful impact on my life – I will make time for them, I will find the money to pay for it, I will make the effort to engage.
Relationships are no different. It takes two to make a relationship work. Both parties are required to contribute. Here are some signs that your partner may not want to be in the relationship any more.
- You are the only one calling, emailing or texting
- Your partner works excessive hours
- Your partner spends all of his/her time away from you (hobbies, on the computer, watching TV or with friends)
- There is no more intimacy
- Your partner is irritable with you and gets upset easily
- Your partner will reluctantly go to a family event and be grumpy the entire time
- You no longer talk about the future
- Your partner is secretive
- There is little or no communication or conversation
- Your partner is unwilling to resolve conflicts
- Your fighting and arguments are more frequent
Unfortunately, many people tend to think, “If only I would do more of X, he/she would behave differently” or will make excuses for the other persons disengaged behavior.
If you are unsure of the status of your relationship, I would suggest the following:
- Make a list of the attributes you find most appealing in a partner
- Write down the type of relationship that is ideal for you – what you like to do with a partner – include everything from intimacy to communication, to hobbies, to fun
- Describe the type of partner YOU would like to be
- Then assess the status of your relationship
- Write down what you like/don’t like in your current situation
- Think about how both you and your partner each contribute to the positives and the negatives
- Plan to have a discussion with your partner
- Ask them how they feel about the relationship, what they like and don’t like, what they want and then offer your perspective
- Try not to blame your partner, call them names or make them feel bad
- You can start saying what your intention is for the conversation – to discuss differences, what’s going well and what is not, in the hopes of making some change
- Tell your partner what you want and need in the relationship and when he/she behaves a certain way, how it impacts you
- The conversation is not over until both parties have shared their perspectives and declared the actions they will take to improve the relationship
If your partner declares he/she wants out, or is disinterested in having the conversation – it’s time to leave.
- We are entitled to express ourselves and have our concerns listened to and responded to – with respect
- We are entitled to have our needs met in a relationship.
- We are all entitled to a meaningful and fulfilling relationship where our partner is fully engaged and happy to be with us.
If we accept anything less than this – there is a good chance that we don’t respect ourselves enough or perhaps don’t feel worthy. If that’s the case, then I encourage you to read through my blogs in the Believe category.