I am a firm believer that one of the greatest gifts
we can give our romantic partner
is the space to be themselves
Hub and I have been together for 7 years and our relationship looks different today than when we first met. In the beginning, like any new couple, we were getting to know each other. We were being the best version of ourselves. Then life kicks in and we start to share who we really are.
We started to see how our life events, outside of our relationship, created emotion in us and how we reacted to them. We observed each other in action with our families and colleagues, how we spent our time and what we found to be funny or sad. I was very curious to get to know Hub.
Some of what we wanted or needed from each other in the beginning wasn’t always evident. I was clearly in observation mode myself. I did not want to impose my needs onto him – instead I wanted to see what he was like and if he was in fact, the right partner for me.
Coming together later in life, we were both established in our ways and in the dynamics of our families. I didn’t agree with some of his interactions with his kids and he didn’t agree with some of mine. We each had our own story and a lifetime of patterns. Who are we to change that in each other? We learned to accept and not judge.
Then something magical happened –
we started to adopt the best of each other!
It was unconscious, we simply modified some of our behaviour to repeat what we liked in each other’s style and approach. It was actually funny – I started to use some of Hub’s lines and common expressions and he was using mine.
We started to create our own patterns and dynamics as a couple. We began to speak up and ask for what we needed or wanted that we were not receiving and it was through those discussions that we grew. Some of what I asked for – Hub had not experienced before so it never crossed his mind. Hub’s requests created an awareness in me that I wanted to pay attention to.
Because of our love for each other, a desire to make our relationship and each other as happy as possible, we chose to make some changes.
In my experience, people will always find the time, energy or other resources
to invest either financially or emotionally in whatever brings value to them.
We both saw the value for us as a couple and for our families, so it was not an effort – it was a pleasure.
7 years later, we have our own vibe. It has taken years to get comfortable being together, to bring out the best in each other and to find our own relationship style. I’m glad we stuck it out and overcame our differences – either through change or acceptance.
I’ve learned acceptance, to have zero judgement, to just let it be, to be kind and loving and nurturing. Most importantly, I have learned to not be afraid to speak up and to have the difficult conversations. When we bury our authenticity for the sake of our relationship – it is wrong. We become unhappy because we are not being ourselves and it’s also not fair to our partner.
Only when you truly speak up for who you are and what you believe in, will your relationship flourish. That way, your partner gets to realize who you truly are. After years of challenge in my life, I have found a safe place to land and that would be in Hub’s arms. That safe place has enabled me to grow and evolve and has inspired Hub to do the same.
I am super happy and every day I feel the gratitude for what we share as a couple. I love you Hub Casselman.