Picture this – your partner had a busy day at work and is exhausted and just walks in the door.

What are you like to come home to? Do you say hello and greet him/her with a kiss or are you too wrapped up what you are doing? We all have moments when we are tired or grumpy or the question is – does your partner have to suffer along with you?

Oh the stories I hear! Take a moment to put yourself in your partner’s shoes – what does he/she see? Think of this through the perspective of creating sparks in your romantic relationship.

Do you look scruffy, haven’t taken a shower or brushed your hair? Do you pay attention to what you wear? One woman told me she had bought some lingerie and it had been sitting in the original box for over a year.  After we talked, she told me she was going to wear it with her husband on the weekend.  She wore sweat pants all the time and although lingerie wasn’t something she would use every night – she recognized that she could initiate a little spice herself once in a while and also find an alternative for sweat pants on a regular basis.

Are you always nagging your partner and criticizing him or her? Do you blame them and yell or swear at them and call them names? That type of behaviour makes them not want to come home, not want to be around you or when they are home – they will try to avoid you. There are better ways to communicate your needs than verbally attacking another person.

Are you negative and always complaining? Do you find fault in everything and everyone around you? Are you depressing to be round because you have nothing nice to say? How can you catch yourself before you allow negativity to overtake you?

How are you contributing to your connection?  How do you let your partner know you are happy to be with them? What do you do to make them feel special?

Not unlike when you were dating – what do you do to make yourself a pleasure to be around, an interesting person? We can’t stop trying or paying attention – just because we have been together for awhile.

After discovering what people don’t like when they are at home with their partner, I have come to these conclusions:

People want to come home to a place they can relax, unwind, feel safe, happy, loved and wanted. They want their partner to make time to sit and listen and engage in meaningful conversation. They want their partner to be an interesting person who has opinions and interests of their own. They want their partner to take care of how they eat, dress, personal hygiene and overall take pride in themselves.

Above all, most people want a happy, loving partner and to know that when they get home – it will be that safe haven from the outside world.

What are YOU like to come home to?