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You can’t make someone feel confident, they have to do that on their own. You can show that you believe in them.  You can guide them to a point where they can start to increase their self-confidence.

Every time we accomplish something, we feel a little bit better about ourselves.  It could be a project at work, passing a class in school, getting accepted into a program or a group or achieving a personal goal like losing weight, quitting smoking, meeting your physical fitness goal or winning a competition.

Everyone has their own capacity to progress, achieve or simply aspire towards something. That capacity is unique to them.

I hear words such as:

‘Oh no, I could never do that’, ‘I wish I could’, ‘Wouldn’t it be nice if…’.

We project our abilities onto others – just because I can do it or others can do it – doesn’t mean someone else can. So, we don’t want to respond with ‘Oh it’s easy’.

It starts with belief – ‘I believe you can take yourself to the next level’ (whatever that level may be for you). Typical responses are – ‘I guess I can’t be that bad if someone actually believes in me – maybe I will try’.

Helping someone to acknowledge their Fears. ‘What holds you back?  What might be standing in your way’? Typical Responses are – ‘I’m afraid I will fail, look stupid, make a mistake’. You can help them by talking trough their fears and helping them realize the worst-case scenario. Sometimes just talking about the fear starts to release it. Sharing your own failures or those of others and mistakes and what you learned from them and how you got back up can help.

Provide encouragement for every small step they take. I believe we need to meet people where they are and celebrate their wins and not compare them to others.  Encouragement also comes in the form of praise and recognition for what they do well. You can also suggest they keep a journal to track what they are most proud of

Offer support in the form of patience and listen when they stumble or have a temporary setback. It’s this quiet, behind the scenes, type of support that shows that you care and that they are not alone. Knowing that you are there for them, helps them feel important.

Celebrate their success.  Once they have achieved their goal, help them to see what they actually went through, how they overcame setbacks, persevered through tough moments and even show them the patterns of similar activities they have done.

I find that most people already have the ideas or thoughts in them – they just need a little guidance to bring them to the surface.  You could be that person to help the do that!

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