Your emotions WILL come to the surface. No matter how hard you try to keep them down – they will show up eventually.
Just like a pot of boiling water – trying to keep the lid on – all that hot bubbling water will cause the lid to rattle. Our emotions are no different.
So how do they show up? Here are some of the more common experiences my clients have had. Unexpressed emotion shows up as:
- Anger or even rage at others
- Uncontrolled outbursts at work
- Blaming others for one’s own faults
- Withdrawn and uncommunicative
- Curt and blunt and sometimes offensive
- Need to be in control
- Fear of looking weak or not perfect
- Physical issues (sore back, headaches, illnesses)
- Negative view of life
- Critical of self
- Feelings of depression or sadness
So many people are afraid to let themselves ‘feel’ emotion for fear of loss of control or fear of feeling the pain. So, they live in an artificial world, pretending to be someone they aren’t.
I’m not a psychologist, however I do love the study of human behaviour and I learn a lot from my own research and from my clients.
What I do know is that when we allow our emotions out and we are not used to it – it’s tough.
To truly be happy, we need to express ourselves and be authentic. Otherwise we are living a superficial life. More than 60% of the people I work with live according to someone else’s agenda and not their own. They have adopted other peoples’ expectations of them and somewhere along the way – they have lost their identity.
What has helped them is to first identify the emotion they are experiencing – and that is not an easy task for some people. By emotions, I am referring to feelings of love, hate, panic, sadness, fear, anger, jealousy, trust, panic, loneliness, guilt, grief and there are many, many more.
List all the emotions, and keep asking yourself – why? Why do I feel this way? Emotions are often triggered by a belief we have buried deep within us. Emotions are individual. What one person feels, another may experience a completely different emotion and they both were in the exact same situation.
Once you determine the root of the emotion – you can ask yourself – is this something from my past that I have carried with me for years and years? Does it apply now? Is it reasonable for me to feel this way in this present circumstance?
I have gone through this process myself and it’s quite revealing and liberating. No one can make you feel an emotion – that is what you do all on your own. Life happens, people say and do things and they trigger something in us, causing us to react. It’s up to us to identify the trigger and get to the root of our emotions.
It’s the first step to feeling happy – uncover what is weighing you down. Emotions are not a sign of weakness; they are a sign of courage!