I have coached thousands of people all over the world in the past 25 years and I can honestly tell you that 80% of those people live according to someone else’s agenda.
Somehow, they never formed their own identity – they did what their family expected, what their spouse wanted or they followed every expectation of their boss – even when they didn’t like it. Whenever they had a thought, a preference, an activity they wanted to do – they remained silent and deferred to others.
Then the resentment started to build up and they blamed others for their unhappiness and lack of fulfillment. They became victims. What they didn’t have was an identity – they had nothing to believe in.
So, let me ask you: Who are you? What are your strengths? If there were no barriers in your life – what would you love to do?
It is incredibly empowering when you know who you are, and what you stand for. It is critical to have a personal set of values and set boundaries of what you will and will not accept from others. Others do not dictate your life – you do! Once you have determined your own foundation – you can hold it up against all decisions that you have to make – about relationships, requests from others – even working conditions at your job.
For example: if family is an important value for you, then you may have a boundary that says you will not work evenings or weekends so you can be with them. If your employer asks you to work 3 weekends in a row – your answer is easy – no I am not available.
How can you possibly expect others to support you or believe in you when you don’t believe in you? Your starting point is looking in the mirror and defining who you are.
We all start out as capable individuals – then life happens and our true selves get buried under layers and layers of closely held emotions and beliefs that don’t serve us well.
It’s a journey well worth taking. Your true self is in there – you just need to peel away the layers and let your authentic self come to the surface!
When you accept yourself, have compassion for yourself and love yourself – then you clear the way for others to do the same. One of my favourite quotes comes from the Marianne Williamson Book – A Return to Love:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”