What is the magic ingredient that lights someone else’s fire? Although there is a lot of research out there about what men and women find sexy – I tend to think it’s an individual preference.  What one person finds sexy, another might not.

I have spoken to many, many people who have told me that the spark has gone out of their relationship, after they had been together for some time. All the excitement of the initial courtship has gone.

It’s important to make a decision to keep the sparks alive in your relationship. One way to do that is to keep the sex appeal alive.

Sexy is intelligence – The ability to have a meaningful conversation with your partner at an intellectually stimulating level. To be able to understand each other and challenge each other.

Sexy is personality – Being engaging and happy and having a sense of humor. When you are with your partner – do you bring a smile to their face, simply because they enjoy listening to you and being near you?

Sexy is how you carry yourself – Your personal deportment. Do you walk with your head held high, with a spring in your step or do you walk and talk like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh – dragging yourself around?

Sexy is energy – Are you light or are you heavy?  Do you see the positive or negative in every situation? Do you find positive solutions or blame others and complain? Does your partner love being next to you, soaking up the positive energy you give off?

Sexy is confidence – Knowing who you are, having a sense of purpose to your life and feeling good about your strengths and personal attributes.

Sexy is being provocative in an understated way – You can be provocative in your body language, your words, the way you look at your partner across a crowded room, your smile or the way you dress.

Sexy is having a little mystery – It’s subtle flirting with your partner that keeps them guessing.  It’s being subliminal.

Sexy is being seductive when you make love – Making sure you are an appealing partner through your words, your touch, your body language and the environment you set up.

Sexy is Being in the Moment – Creating space and time and your undivided attention on your partner. This means blocking out everything else and concentrating on your partner. This lets them know they are important.

Sexy is Attraction – Tell your partner what you find appealing. Letting your partner know that you find them attractive helps them to feel sexy.

So look in the mirror – Have you let the sex appeal fade from your relationship?

Have life’s ups and downs gotten in the way? Relationships with our significant others are a gift.

My partner lost his wife to cancer almost 10 years ago and I have been divorced. We both know what it is like to lose love. We are so grateful to have each other and we will never take each other or our relationship for granted.

Having sex appeal is one of the many ways we keep our spark alive.